沮喪的日子

前幾天跟阿姨聊到這些舅舅、阿姨們的長相相似度時，就又想到媽媽了。

再過幾天她的六週年忌日又要到了。前兩天還做夢夢到她的背影，我就追上前去，想要問她，為什麼要離開我？話都還沒有說出口，就淚流滿面的醒來了。我很想她，可是又怕想到她。上帝啊，求你撫平我心中的傷痛吧！

3.5 months later~~~~

Same outfit, same subway exit, yet another Friday night, yet another haircut, 3.5 month later.........


There is no way for one's past to disappear; whenever you thought you have overcome it, have gotten over it, it always comes back to haunt you.

Tried to make an appointment for haircut at a salon near Union Square.  However, no openings available, have to make appointment at the other branch at West Village, near W4th St station.


Came out from the W 4th St station, unexpectedly I came out from the exact same exit; standing at the very same spot, the memory came gushing into my mind, it's overwhelming.  


Late at night, walking on the 6th Ave, I realized that I am a different person now.  Whatever doesn't kill me, it only makes me stronger, and I become a more experienced and more well-adjusted human being.


I have no regret, do you?  I will never know.  Mais, c'est la vie, n'est pas?


"Two Lovers" by Lindsay Ellyn @ Kenny's Castaways, NYC 11-20-09

above is the link to a live performance in Kenny's Castaways

もういやや （舊文）

心の中に大きい、底なしな穴が開いてる。寂しがりやの私は温もりを探し続きます。ずっと、心の中には何かが物足りないが感じがする。

the deepest sorrow inside me (wrote on Aug 12, 2006)

Walked by a started moped on my way home from hotel, fell the heat blew to my face from the exhaust pipe. It suddenly came to me that it has been a long time that I did not take a ride on the moped.

The very last time was July 19, 2006. When I went to Christine's place and played with her cat, Mitsumi. When I climbed up to the back seat, it made me think of my mom who passed away 2 years ago. I haven't ridden on anyone's moped since she hospitalized.

She used to take me wherever I wanted to go if she was available, or I would go shopping with her. I used to say, the time that we had on the moped was our quality time. We often joked, discussed almost everything when we on the road. Till now, I rarely think about these moments, cos I would sink again into the sorrow where there is no end.

It has been two years now, her image is still by my side vividly. I tried soooo very hard not to think of her during the day as I would break down right away and drench in tears. There are still many things would remind me of the time we spent together. Time passes by, but this still does not ease the pain deep within me......

Jump by Madonna

舊文 - 寫於2007 年秋季

Jump ~ Madonna
這首歌的歌詞與我近半年的心境很像
也有收錄在穿著Prada的惡魔的電影原聲帶中

Jump

written by Madonna, Joe Henry, and Stuart Price
Track 8, Time: 3:46
-------------------------
(Spoken:)
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste

I haven't got much time to waste, it's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face, but I'm afraid to stay
I'm going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight til I find a place of my own

Chorus:

Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump

We learned our lesson from the start, my sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on is your family
And life's gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

Chorus2:

Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to, are you ready

(Spoken:)
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste

I'll work and I'll fight til I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own

I can make it alone
I can make it alone
I can make it alone [my sisters and me]
I can make it alone [my sisters and me]
(repeat)

(chorus)
(chorus2)